umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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