Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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