toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
