i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
