So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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