I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
