worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
