dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
