Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
