Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
