I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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