The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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