she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
