Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
