You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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