Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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