I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
