The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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