Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize