did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
