I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
