i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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