As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
