piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
