Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
