It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
