What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just tell him i said nine months
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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