I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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