i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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