Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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