What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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