first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
