Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
