I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
