I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
