Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
