shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
