This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
