i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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