arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
