if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
