To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
