She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
