WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
