why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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