I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
