my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
