Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
