i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
