words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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