my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
