If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
